My brain has me held hostage 

These last two days have been rough. I’ve been quieter and more easily agitated than usual. I want to isolate, but I know I shouldn’t. I guess it’s probably because of how much socialization I’m going to be doing tomorrow. Thanksgiving is all about giving thanks and I have a TON of things to be thankful for. This year has been awful at some points and our lives have changed so much, but so much good has come of it too. There’s still mountains to move but those mountains are in the distance. Today we are on solid ground. Even if it doesn’t feel like it. These are times I wish I had a magic pill I could take when I don’t feel right and I could just snap out of it. It’s also I time that I have to be self aware so I don’t teater too far over the edge. All it takes is a second. One little thought and boom months, years worth of work right down the toilet. But I’m strong and I know what’s happening and I know how to fix it. I did something I’ve never done today. If you know me, you know my anxiety is awful when I’m driving. (So is my cussing 😂) so usually if I don’t have to go somewhere, I won’t. Well today I drove over to forest park and back by myself. And I drove around while in stl and wasn’t completely lost. I was still anxious because let’s be real, people in St. Louis SUCK at driving. Worst drivers ever. That’s why I can’t stand driving over there. Everyone has their heads so far up their asses they can’t even see you in the other lane or realize why you’re going 40 in a 35 and not 55. I’d like to smack those people. Line them up and smack them on the back of the head and say wake up asshole!! That is just life though. I read this quote one time that said, ” before you diagnose yourself with depression, first make sure you’re not in fact surround by assholes.” And aren’t we all? I get angry going to Walmart at the complete disregard for anyone else that may be in the store by most people. And then I get on Facebook to get away from it and there’s some asshole talking about politics. Everyone thinks they know all of the answers. And god forbid you disagree, then you’re the asshole. When did respect go out of style? And our poor teachers. I’ve read so many stories about a teacher saying or doing something that someone viewed as “inappropriate” and everyone’s first thought is fire them. Some even had death threats. What aggravates me about this is we have people abusing their children, PARENTS mind you. People who are supposed to be a child’s #1 defender who are able to still have their children, but a teacher gets angry or does something out of being fed up taking care of 20+ children and we’re ready to throw the book at them. I guess I don’t have the same issues because there were some teachers that really changed my life and protected me from what could’ve been even worse than what it was. Some that set me on the straight and narrow and told me how it was. I respect teachers so much and I know for a fact most people could not take over their jobs. Most people can’t even deal with their own kids, let’s be honest. How many grandparents are raising their grandkids now? The parking lot at my sons school is also ridiculous. Everyone trying to get to the same exit faster than everyone else. What’s your damn hurry? So rude. So for now, I’ll just sit here until everyone decides to G.t.f.o. And I can leave safely, and not stressed out. Because the early bird may get the worm, but the one that waits for a while gets the fatter worm and which one is really more satisfying? 
Please read this with all of the sarcasm in the world. That’s how I meant it. 

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