I’m so annoyed at myself. My social anxiety is so extreme that I can’t just go out and make new friends and the friends I do have seem to ebb and flow. I can’t tell if it’s me putting off that I’m isolating and need to be left alone, or them just losing interest in the friendship. I mourn these loses hard. I feel like I want to be social and I crave socialization but then I get annoyed when someone reaches out. I know the deeper I get into this dark hole, the harder it will be to climb out but at this point I’m at it’s mercy.