Sorry about the caps lock but good golly. I sit here on Facebook and even in my own life and see these people publicly recognizing someone for doing something nice for them. Like they need everyone to know that they did something nice.
I have news for you:
YOU DON’T GET A MEDAL FOR BEING NICE!
You don’t get public recognition for walking an elderly person across the street. The point of a ‘Pay it forward’ act is to try to make a chain of people doing things for other people out of the kindness of their hearts, not to use to brag online. And frankly, the fact that we have to create some sort of game/incentive to do nice things for people boggles my mind.
Older people like to say that this generation “gets a trophy for participation.” Well, let me tell you when that younger man holds the door open for you and you say, “Oh that’s so nice of you. I wish more kids your age were like you.” YOU’RE CONTRIBUTING to the madness. You are telling him that he is doing something outside of the norm and not just something he should know to do.
Is it not enough to say, ‘Thank You’ anymore? Are we so self-absorbed and self-important that we can’t possibly see that we need to help each other to get by? Are we too busy stepping on people to get ahead to see that if we all stand together we can move everyone ahead? And don’t get me wrong, I am definitely not saying you should pay for the person in front of you everywhere you go. But to get your wife some flowers, or hold the door for someone, or helping someone who has their hands full is something you should be doing without ulterior motives.
These nice, common courtesy things are not all I am talking about here. This is for you ladies or even men in the same situation. If your significant other is a complete Asshat, and then comes home with a bouquet of roses, don’t forget why you were mad. Them doing something nice after they’ve screwed up does not signify a free pass. If you continue to let them get away with murder because they do something nice afterward, you are selling yourself so, so short. I have said it before in my “Finding the Yin to your Yang” post and I will say it again a million times over, the person you decide to spend your life with should be your safe place. SAFE PLACE meaning someone who always considers your feelings when they act, someone who always wants to better your situation. Together, willing to compromise and love you unconditionally. If they forget to set out the trash or forget to set out the chicken before they leave for work, then you forgive them. But if they continuously make you wait for them to come home, if they leave you feeling like you are worthless, don’t call or text, refuse to help you make a better life for yourselves then they are not your safe place. You do not need to post all over Facebook that he brought you home roses, or traded his sports car for a family car when he found out you were pregnant. These are things he should be doing! I am so sick of seeing posts about someone’s husband/boyfriend whatever doing something awful and see someone being done with the situation and then an hour later they are posting about how lucky they are because he went out and bought dinner. If you’re mad, stay mad! Don’t be unable to forgive, but don’t give yourself up for some spaghetti, or flowers.
People that do deserve recognition: Our troops, veterans, people changing the world, people doing something other people can’t do, normal things we should be recognizing. Not because you helped someone on the side of the road change their tire, that’s just something you should be doing out of the kindness of your heart.
And let me summarize, IF IT IS OUT OF THE KINDNESS OF YOUR HEART, YOU WON’T EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN, including recognition. Let’s get this world back to kindness to others. Also, get your head out of your ass, it’s not a hat.