That is a tall order. Happiness is relative. What makes you happy, may make me miserable. But there are cornerstones to setting yourself up for happiness and I don’t think many people have the right framing to do so.
You have to be willing to let go of negativity. I think that most people probably have this idea in their heads of what happy looks like, but don’t know how to get there. I want you to think about five reasons you aren’t happy right now. Now when you get those five things how many of them involve someone else? How many times have you based your happiness on someone else? Maybe not their actions per say but what about whether or not they were happy? Do you put others happiness before your own? Most people will, or should if they are being honest answer yes. I don’t think people realize how much stock we put in other people making us happy. The truth is the only person in the way of you being happy, is you.
Your mind is a wonderful, massive place full of thoughts and ideas and feelings. The only person in control of those thoughts and ideas is you. Think about the last time you had a bad day. Was it because of something you did, or was it from the actions of someone else? Other people should not have the amount of control necessary to ruin your day, and by allowing them to you are blocking your own happiness unintentionally. So stop allowing anyone else to have that power over you.
Positive thinking is something we all aspire to, but most people don’t understand how much of a life changer it can be. I’ve heard of people deciding to take the word “no” out of their vocabulary, or people who look in the mirror everyday and compliment themselves or tell themselves it’s going to be a good day and just little changes like this are what can change your life. Just simply reframing the way you speak is a huge changer. Write down five things that are negatively impacting your life and then, next to them, write down ways they could also be positively affecting you. For example:
1. Negative: I can’t decide what I want to do.
Positive: I have an enormous amount of options in front of me and endless opportunities.
Just little things like that daily and you will notice that the way you think changes. You will start to see things from a positive outlook.
In my own personal life there are people who get under my skin. In the moment it seems like something important that requires an amount of aggravation on my part. It isn’t until afterwards that I realize how much time and energy was spent focusing on something that wasn’t really important. I try to realize that ahead of time but it’s a work in progress. I know that there are a ton of negative people surrounding you but the best choice you can make for yourself is to put up a wall, and not allow them to affect you.
Some people like to consider how others are going to feel before making decisions. I used to be one of these people. Now when I say this, I am not referring to major life altering decisions. Although you should always put your own thoughts and feelings first, considering how you make people close to you feel, is something that has to be addressed. I’m not suggesting you be inconsiderate, I’m simply stating that you shouldn’t base whether or not you allow things that make you happy into your life and things that make you unhappy out of your life on other people’s feelings. The truth is, at the end of the day, the only person who has to deal with your thoughts and feelings and decisions is you. So why would you put so much consideration into someone who doesn’t even have to live with the choice?
You have to gain the ability to say how you feel and not hold it in. If you don’t like how someone is treating you the best course of action is to tell them. Now if it is someone you don’t really know or care to waste your energy on, then don’t, but don’t also let them treat you in a way you don’t like just because you don’t feel close enough to discuss your feelings. You have to have a certain level of respect for yourself, and others have to show you that same respect at those same standards you hold for yourself. Anyone who cannot respect these, doesn’t belong in your life.
So, let go of the negatively, try reframing your thoughts in a positive direction, and don’t allow others to influence your emotions. Seems easier said than done I know, but just get it started and it will roll down the hill on its own, leaving you life with less bad and more good. Who wouldn’t want that?