There are many issues with our society as a whole. There are certain key characteristics I am going to go through and describe and tell you how to deal with these people, or how your behavior affects others if you are one of the described people. The first set I am going to describe is toxic people. Later on, I am going to describe some anxiety/mental health behaviors most people don’t recognize. My biggest goal from this post is to help people recognize what is “their problem” and what is “not their problem” in a relationship. By nature, people try to take on other peoples issues for themselves, and then feel bitter for being “put” in that position when in all reality, they put themselves there.
I want people to understand about energies and how they can affect you. Positivity is contagious, but so is negativity. A great saying is “misery loves company” and that is a real life problem. Most people don’t like to admit when they are wrong, and most people would rather take on negativity, rather than admit that they are allowing someone else to control their energy. I say this because toxic people are a huge cause of being stuck in a pattern of negative energy. We need to be able to recognize them, and hold ourselves accountable for protecting ourselves from their bad energy.
The first type of toxic person I would like to discuss is the “The Arrogant.” This type of toxic personality is also considered narcissistic, and carries a lot of the other traits of toxic people. Arrogant people live in a lala land that revolves around them. Most don’t recognize this type unless you know them personally. They seem very nice on the outside, until you cross them. This type only likes it their way. Anyone who challenges them could possibly jeopardize their fantasy land, so they are then the focus of the arrogants’ rage. When you are on the bad side, these types tend to criticize and belittle you and make you look like the bad guy. In their minds, these types cannot accept any chance of being wrong. Most of the time these types are compensating so that people won’t see some kind of deficiency they have recognized within themselves. They know that they don’t have genuine friendships, and compensate by having many acquaintances.
Personal Example: I have a family member who has a skilled labor job. This person is getting up there in age and won’t be able to do this job for very much longer. This person doesn’t have a high school diploma and has no other real skills, so I have suggested they get their G.E.D. in order to help them find a job when they need a new one. This person refuses to take the class because they are afraid they will fail, but instead of saying that, they outwardly speak about how they don’t need a G.E.D. and how the skills they have will be fine and it is someone else’s responsibility to take care of the bills since this person has been doing it for so long. This is arrogance. The inability to recognize they may need help, or accept the possibility of failure paired with the passing of the blame onto someone else so they don’t have to be responsible for the fallout are classic traits.
How to deal with them: The best way to deal with an arrogant person is to be compassionate. Generally, they have issues they are trying to conceal with smugness and they can’t emotionally handle any kind of criticism. So don’t point out insecurities. Recognize that their behavior reflects only on them and you have no control over their actions, only on how you react to them. If they are belittling you, make sure you address them calmly, and most importantly privately. This type does not like being called out and will be harsh and unresponsive in a social setting.
This is one of the most draining personality types. These people are the ones who seem to always have a rain cloud hanging over their heads. Bad things are always happening to them. This type is also generally what society refers to as a “one-upper” because if anyone is sick or hurt, they have to be more sick or more hurt. These people are generally self harming to get to that worse state, and will go to very extreme lengths to make themselves seem victimized. There are varying degrees of this type. Some are constantly victimized by others. These people tend to be able to turn any type of argument or disagreement around on the other person, and like to retell the story in a way that makes them seem like they were attacked. If you are on the receiving end of this behavior, you can be sure they will tell everyone you know their version of what happened to try to pad their story. Most of the time this behavior is just a need for attention and sympathy. They need people to feel sorry for them because most of the time outside of the times they are hurt, no one wants to interact with them.
Personal experience: I know a lot of different people with varying degrees of this trait. One specific instance is a person I know who thinks the world is out to get them. They are always talking about how their life is awful and they don’t ever recognize the good things in their life because they are too busy finding blame for the bad ones. Every little thing that happens is just part of a larger scheme to ruin their life. Everything bad that happens is a catastrophe and blame can always be found in someone else. This person never takes responsibility for their own part in their story and considers themselves a victim of circumstance, and has an excuse for their behavior.
How to deal with them: The only way to deal with these people is to limit, if not completely remove your exposure. When you disconnect, expect them to make it seem like you are being mean to them or saying other things to make it seem like you are the bad guy. Remember that anyone who truly knows you will recognize this as what it is, and the ones who believe this person will most likely always support them. A lot of times people end up in a cycle of giving these people anything they want so it isn’t turned around on them, which is why I said this was one of the most draining personalities. It is a tough place to get out of, and for the most part, these people have no desire to change their behavior. The main thing you can do is remember who you are and that others opinions are just that—not yours and don’t belong on you.
These people make sure to have their ear everywhere. They have many people they call friends for the sake of being involved in every single thing going on around them. They try to make themselves seem exciting by telling stories about others as if they were there. Most of these people are completely phony and compensate by lying and spreading info about others to take attention away from themselves. These people are generally aware that they are toxic, but don’t want others to recognize it. If it comes back on them, they will backtrack, lie, tell something about someone else meant to distract, and anything else in their power to not be found out. These people tend to make their relationships with people seem more than they are, for example saying they are good friends with someone they barely know to make themselves look more credible.
Personal Experience: Someone I know likes to lie on social media because most of the friends this person has either don’t know them very well, or believe their lies. I know for a fact how this person is so I will respond to posts that aren’t true and question them. They will immediately delete anything that could potentially prove them a liar. In the same breath this person will tell people we are good friends, and also tell others how I am a terrible person.
How to deal with them: Don’t divulge any information you don’t want spread. Never tell them anything going on in your life that involves anyone else, because they will spread it in a way that makes it seem like you were the one gossiping. Don’t tell them secrets. If they aren’t someone you’re obligated to be around, avoid them. Cut them out of your life, because they don’t have your best interest at heart and will only try to stir up trouble for you and the people you care about.
Negative Traits that could be caused by anxiety or depression
I don’t think people often try to explore the motives of others. I think when we have a bad experience our first thought is to cut that person out, as they are clearly a bad person. That isn’t always the case. I know for myself, I have issues with controlling things. This can make me irritable, anxious, and impatient. My need for controlling things is caused by my anxiety reminding me of when I have lost control before, and what happens if it is lost again. A lot of people probably think I am a helicopter parent because of the way I hover over my children. If they would look a little deeper, they would realize the way I work and the reason I react the way I do. Some other traits that can be caused by anxiety and depression include:
- Over analyzing
- Trouble sleeping
- Being sensitive and easily drained
- Being introverted
- Fidgeting, and being impatient
- Bouts of rage
- Low self esteem
- Over confidence
If you are empathetic you have to be cautious as to who you spend your time with. If not you can easily become an emotional dumping ground. I personally have a few people in my life who like to dump and run as I call it. These people will call me to dump their emotional problems on me, but immediately have to get off the phone when it’s time for me to reciprocate. These aren’t the type of people you want in your life.
I have a lot of friends who will take others emotional baggage as their own and then start to crumble under the weight. I find myself saying a lot that its a “them” problem, not a “you” problem to try and help them get the load off that they aren’t required to carry. Yes, it does make you a good friend to listen to someone when they aren’t okay, but you also have to be able to know that you are not there to fix things for them and therefor, it isn’t your responsibility to shoulder the weight. Boundaries are an important part of life that help the empaths and overly sensitive people navigate the separation between their thoughts and feelings, and someone else’s. You have to be able to separate and also know when you need to break and recharge. ‘You don’t have to set yourself on fire to help keep others warm,’ is a quote that fits perfectly. Only you know your tolerance and what you can withstand before it starts zapping your energy. Remember that it is okay to tell someone you need some alone time. You have to be your own advocate. You do not have to apologize for the way you feel, but you also can’t control the way people react to you. Your only loyalty lies within yourself, and making sure you aren’t on fire.
That’s all for now!